catching up with (cyber) you

I have so much I could write about that it has actually kept me from writing anything at all. Well, that and I have the flu.

• Can you imagine how much Cher Thursday I have to catch up on?!? Cher in a musical with Christina (thanks greg.. and what!what!squared!) Chastity now Chaz! This is some big news and all of it quite exciting.

• I saw Marcus for the first time in 8 months a few nights ago. He is easy to pick out being tailless, and he is bigger and fluffier than ever. It made my heart swell to see him so healthy and as happy as a raccoon can present himself. He strut (is ’strut’ the past tense for ’strut’? Strutted? Strought? This fever is getting me) through our back yard at dusk like a man on a mission, huffing like a big ol’ tough guy. It was great to see. He even stopped to pee on his (and now the Seal’s) favorite tree to pee on.

• Fraidy has 5 new fish friends that Violet paid way too much for at a charity auction. I will get some photos up soon and see if you all have any name suggestions. So far there is Goldy and Lox but three no names and I could use some help with that.

• Zoe’s mom passed away about a week ago and I have no idea what to say about that yet, if ever. Not sure I will say anything but that it has been hard. Really hard. For a lot of people.

• I was in MiddleofNowhere California last week and after a few drinks at a motel bar I ended up on stage singing happy birhday to a woman that I had known for all of 5 hours. Her speaking voice sounded just like Dolly Parton and I just couldn’t get enough of her. (Yes, I kicked in a little of my best Cher towards the end). That was a good time… until the next day.

• It is pride weekend and Violet has never been to one before. She asked me what I was going to dress up as and I replied, “Um, me.” She then asked how to register to be a dyke on a bike. I explained that the bike in this situation is not actually the kind of bike she has but that motorcycle doesn’t rhyme with dyke, hence the slogan’s usage of the word ‘bike’. She was fairly disappointed but went right back to the ‘well then, what costumes should we wear?’ conversation. Um, seriously. No.

• Last night I met a woman that is a veterinarian… for elephants. ELEPHANTS. Ummmm yes, what you just read is correct. I am totally infatuated with this woman’s career at present and am scheming up ways to try and make her think I am half as cool as she so that maybe we can hang out again. My  two very favorite animals on earth ever (besides the Seal) are elephants and octopi. I could go on and on… and on about this, like I did last night with the rad elephant vet lady, but I wont here. Right now at least.

• At present, like I mentioned, I have the flu (ah! that is why this post is so flat and without personality, you say? Yes. That is why.) and I am hoping to find enough energy to participate in the gay weekend with mild flare at least, sans costume. I will let you know.

The catch-up-with-my-blog-list goes on and on, but as this flu has zapped my ability to sound even remotely interesting, I will leave it like this for now.

Happy gay Friday.

cher on ellen. not kidding.

I know you know that I love Cher… squared. And what I love about her is an endless list of fabulousness, which I assume you would also be catching onto at this point. So, last week she was on Ellen and she was… FABULOUS.

One of the infinite reasons that I love her so much is that she is a mega-super-star-goddess-diva and she is just so real and frank and Cher about it all, all of the time.

I’m fairly convinced that the way she presents herself on talk shows and interviews is probably much the same as what you’d get as a close friend of hers over coffee. She’s not full of herself and never tries to fool you about who she is. She doesn’t do that I’m-rich-and -famous-so-I’m-deeply-profound-and-wise thing that you see so much of. She’s just Cher, which is obviously more than enough. Watch. Learn. Love. Enjoy.

Happy Friday-eve. Happy Cherday!

cherducate youself

At this point, those of you that have followed along with Cherthursday are becoming more than Cherducated in the department of all things fabulous and sparkly. That is why I feel comfortable hitting you hard and fast with a plethora of interesting and informative Cherfacts… that I will soon, at an undisclosed date and time, test you on. We are talking Grammy’s, Oscars, Golden Globe’s and Emmy’s here folks! This is serious stuff. This is Cher. Enjoy.

Oh, and happy Friday-eve. Happy Cherday!

• Mother, with Gregg Allman, of Elijah Blue Allman.
• Diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of 30.
• Had started dating producer David Geffen after she and estranged husband Sonny Bono split up.
• Was living with rock musician Gene Simmons of Kiss for several years.
• Her sister, Georganne LaPiere, was the first wife of Michael Madsen.
• Offered the part of Thelma in Thelma & Louise (1991).
• Half-sister-in-law of Michael Madsen.
• Half-sister of Georganne LaPiere.
• Her father was Armenian, her mother was part Cherokee.
• Legally changed her name from “Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPierre Bono Allman” to simply “Cher.”
• Beat out Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” for the best selling single of 1998 with “Believe.”
• Wanted to play Morticia in the The Addams Family (1991), but the part went to Anjelica Huston.
• Her favourite makeup artist, Kevyn Aucoin, died in 2002 of a brain tumor.
• Has mostly been living in London, UK over the last few years.
• Holds the record for a female artist who has the longest span from entering the top 100 (”I Got You Babe” #1 1965, “Song For The Lonely” #85 2002).
• Holds the record for the the longest gap between #1 hits (”Dark Lady” 1974, “Believe” 1999).
• Holds the record for oldest female artist with a #1 hit (”Believe”).
• Son, Elijah Allman, fronts the band Deadsy.
• Half-sister-in-law of actress Virginia Madsen.
• Is tying with Mako as the Oscar-nominated actor throughout history with the shortest name. Technically wins, as her name is only one syllable and is her actual legal name.
• Suffers from fear of flying.
• Wears size 8 shoes.
• Cher’s very first recording was novelty record “I Love You Ringo,” under the name of Bonnie Jo Mason in 1963.
• Her parents married and divorced 3 times.
• Measurements: 32B-24-36 (in 1990), 34C-24-35 1/2 (after breast lift surgery), 35 1/2 -25 1/2-36 (late 1990s), (Source: Celebrity Sleuth magazine).
• She won an Grammy in 1999 for the song “Believe” and an Emmy in 2003 for a special on her farewell concert tour.
• Spoke the eulogy at ex-husband Sonny Bono’s funeral.
• Ranked #43 on VH1’s “100 Greatest Women of Rock N Roll.”
• Wore braces as an adult.
• Her 1998 hit single “Believe” was ranked #60 on VH1’s 100 Greatest Dance Songs.
• A 2002 Rolling Stone article estimated her wealth at over 600 million dollars. Since then she has embarked on a hugely successful farewell tour that is still going and released a greatest hits CD that has spent weeks in the the Billboard Top 10.
• Is a big Katharine Hepburn fan.
• Although her music video “If I Could Turn Back Time” is often cited as the first video to be banned by MTV, this is not true. The Rolling Stones (”Neighbors”), The Ramones (”Psychotherapy”) and Laura Branigan all had videos banned several years beforehand.
• Mother, with Sonny Bono, of Chastity Bono.
• Named after Lana Turner’s daughter Cheryl Crane.
• Is the only certified female performer in music history to have had a U.S #1 single in the 1960s 1970s 1980s and 1990s.
• She and Barbra Streisand are the only two female performers in the U.S. to have had a #1 hit and won an Oscar.
• Has appeared solo on the cover of People magazine a near record 13 times.
• In addition to her Oscar and Emmy wins, Cher won a 2000 Grammy for the song “Believe” as Best Dance Recording.
• US-born Cher is the most famous Hollywood personality of Armenian ethniciy, the USSR-born genius Sergei Parajanov is the most famous non-Hollywood Armenian cinema personality.
• In a recent poll, A&E’s Biography Magazine ranked her as people’s Number 3 favorite actress of all time behind her two Hollywood idols, Katharine Hepburn and Audrey Hepburn.
• She was the subject of an episode of “The X Files” (1993) called “The Post-Modern Prometheus” (5X06; first aired November 3, 1997). This episode concerned a deformed man who adored Cher because of her role in Mask (1985), in which her character cared for her deformed son. Several Cher songs appeared on the soundtrack of this episode, including “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves” and “The Sun Ain’t Gonna Shine Anymore”. At the end of the episode, Mulder and Scully take the Cher fan to a Cher concert, where they hear her sing her cover of “Walkin’ in Memphis”. Cher, an “X-Files” fan, was asked to play herself in this scene but declined the producers’ offer. However, she revealed on The X-Files Movie Special (1998) (TV) that once the episode aired, she regretted not having appeared in it.
• Was called to be offered the role in The Witches of Eastwick (1987) on the morning of her 40th birthday.
• Her Oscar-winning part in Moonstruck (1987) was originally offered to Sally Field, who turned it down

(All of the fabulous information above was found at: http://www.netglimse.com/celebs/pages/cher/index.shtml)

all fabulous roads lead to cher

I was the graduation speaker in college. And before you think I am trying to get you to ooh and aah about how good-n-learned that jesse james must be, or before you give me crap about bragging here, bare in mind two things: 1. I graduated from a program with no grades, and 2. All roads in this post lead to Cher, because it is Thursday, and this is a necessary piece to the story.

So, my democratic student body, sans the conformed process of measuring intellect, had to decide who would represent our cohort in the graduation ceremony. We all sat around a big round table, like we did for all decisions that needed to be made, and we voted.

But, before the voting took place we went around the table and each student was giving the opportunity to say a piece about why they would be the best (wo)man for the job. This ‘honor’ was being dealt out 3 weeks before the end of our final quarter. To me (and a few others) this ‘honor’ was a thinly wrapped extra to-do in the thick of trying to graduate. We were all bogged down with completing our thesis amongst all of the other academic hoops thrown at you, purely designed as the final attempt to push a student over the edge before they receive their 40-60k piece of paper, formally admitting, in loopy fonts and signatures, that we did in fact cross the privileged finish line.

When it was my turn at the table to speak I said, “Listen here my fellow academics, you vote for me and I will offer nothing more than drinking references and Cher. I got shit to do and am not about to try and write a speech.” And even with what I considered a fairly decent threat, the bastards voted for me.

So, on the night of graduation, amongst all of our family, friends, advisors and professors, I walked up to the podium and gave a ten minute bit about this and that and closed with something close to this:

“In the deeply profound words of Maya Angeh…. Eh hem, I’m sorry, I mean, in the profound words of Cher, I offer you this: “If you really want something, you can figure out how to make it happen.” And, in the wise words of my grandfather (and a few bad country songs), if what you really want is taking a while to happen, just remember, “it’s five o’clock somewhere.” Thank you, good night.”

The reason I mention this is because I just stumbled upon an awesome Cher website that outChers my ass big time and one of the many fabulous pages has Cher quotes, including the one in my speech. I’m telling you, this website is Cherilicious. So, dig around, learn something new about the Goddess of all things Sparkley and Fabulous and enjoy.

And, as Cher and I have both missed a few Thursday’s I offer a bonus. This is the Cher-comeback classic and it is good. Very good. Chergood. Which is a higher compliment than anything – squared.

Happy Friday-eve, all. Happy Cherday!

why we didn’t die last night

(As Cher has Vegas Throat and has cancelled 6 shows, I too am letting her off the hook for her Cherthursday slot on jljj this week. Rest up Cher, we love you. )

———-

Together, Violet and I are in a double-drama relationship. We, the king and queen of our own personal Dramaland are most definitely drama-squared. I have seen different combos of drama and non-drama in relationships and my preference has always been at least one drama king/queen but never none and sometimes two is fun… dramatic, but fun, none the less. We are both completely aware of our dramatic nature and will gladly admit to these titles (except for when we won’t, but that is just us being dramatic).

For the most part I find it entertaining, except for when it’s not. Like last night when we both got all comfy in our bed and Violet wouldn’t stop shivering while I contended that we were going to die in our sleep of hypothermia if we didn’t put another blanket on the bed and close the windows.

But here is where double-drama doesn’t work, or maybe this is where it is working at its dramatic best: both of us refused to get up and do anything about it. Why? Because we both competitively claimed that we were the most comfortable we had ever been in our lives and if we got up right then we would be ruining the best moment of comfort ever felt by a human being in the history of the whole world.

Finally, Violet’s shivering, now accompanied by teeth chattering and irregular breathing, irritated me enough to give in and get up. I threw the covers off of me like I was in battle with them, heavily stomped down the stairs, banging and clanging things that had nothing to do with finding a blanket, stomped back up the stairs, flipped on the bedroom light (admittedly over-the-top rude), tossed the blanket on the bed with these caveman grunts, like putting this blanket on the bed was incredibly taxing and pushing my physical capability over the top, flopped back into bed like a scuba diver flops into the ocean off the boat, tossed around fluffing pillows and such until I was sure Violet was annoyed and then said, “Well, thanks to me we’re not going to die in our sleep.” And Violet said, “Of hypothermia, anyway. You really drive me nuts. And I love you. ”

And then I put my arm around her and off to dreamland we went.

red light green light

Sorry Cher, there are very few things that could trump your having the top Thursday slot… but this week there just is.

- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -
Last Saturday I was out with a friend until around 11ish. As I was driving home I pulled up to a red light, looked over at the car next to me and saw this girl sitting by herself in the driver’s seat, obviously quite content with whatever was on the radio. This girl was remarkably beautiful. I mean hot. Not ooh hot, not ouch hot, not uh oh hot, not even damn hot. I’m talkin within degrees of the sun hot. The hottest hot squared.

I stared and stared until I finally caught her eye. She looked over and shot a big, gorgeous smile just as the light turned.

Green light.

I continued to drive next to her, hoping another light would turn red.

Red light.

Idling side by side again, she looked over at me, tilted her head forward with a devious little grin and began to fuss with the back of her shirt.

Green light.

As we both started to drive she grabbed the steering wheel with both hands, tossed her head back and laughed. I’m pretty sure she was laughing at me: this dude with eyeballs the size of plates and whose jaw had dropped to the road.  I continued to drive at her pace. And even though she never looked over she knew I was right there.

Red light.

My face was plastered to the window, like a puppy that wants in, waiting for her to give me some attention. Without ever looking over at me, her passenger window started to roll down as she gave me that hand gesture to roll my window down too.

With both of our windows wide open I just sat there staring at her with nothing in between us. She never looked over. I could hear her radio and I could clearly see her cocky little grin with detail. Right before the light turned green, and I am talking under a second’s time here, she flung her wrist towards me. In this sort of slow motion moment something black and lacy came hurling at me and into my car. When it finally landed it swirled and twisted itself around the stick shift.

Green light.

She looked over at me and winked proudly. I wrapped my hand around her bra to shift and we both took off.

blog vacation virgin

I’m a few hours away from leaving for my vacation with Ruth. I have made the bold choice to go on this vacation sans computer. I want to see what time away from staring at this screen may or may not do for my soul (is it really sucking it out or does it just feel that way? We shall see). Not to say I won’t jump at the chance if there happens to be free internet somewhere along the way. But, in case there isn’t, and I am internet-sober for this entire trip, you may not hear anything from me for a week or so.

This also means that the staff here at jljj is off the hook for a bit too. Violet, Fraidy, Marcus and the Seal can all rest assured that any and all follies, cute gesture, slip ups, and pooping of clothing will go undocumented for a brief bit of time. Is this to their relief or less reason to get up in the morning? They will have to figure that out and let me know. Regardless, I will be back soon and will promptly begin to overly observe and document my little family… and then, I’ll blog about it all… like I do.

And just remember, although Thursday may come and go a few times, Cher loves you.

meow

This week’s Cherday was sent to me by Leo MacCool. The email said that I was probably “all over this news like a rash…” And although the idea does make me itch with excitement, in fact, no, I hadn’t heard this rumor yet. Let this be a lesson, jljj readers. If you know something about Cher, don’t just assume that I do too – send it on over. I love to be Cher topped. Love. It.

So, here it is: Cher to Play Catwoman in the next Batman movie!

How utterly delicious. And although it seems that this is a brilliant myth rather than a perfect truth what a wonderful visual I have swirling around. And (as I duck my head to not be hit by fans) I care about the Batman movies about as much as I care about baseball (still ducking, the truth hurts, I know). But, come on, how hot would that be!

“Batman! Watch out! HoOoOOOooooawah! (with that downward lilt that is OhSoCher, as she tosses her hair to one side, straddling the Batpod). Simply delicious.

Listen Batman film maker people- You want the queers in that theatre for your next comic book movie? Well, give us Cher and we will come in endless droves. This I can promise.

Ooh! or Hillary! I could get pretty excited about that one too. The costume would have to be a black leather pantsuit of sorts, but this could work.

Happy Friday eve, all. Happy Cherday!

-jj-

the world, the wide and the web

(UPDATE: As of 8.9.08 jljj is no longer attached to the smokin hot purple dress)

This is one of those crazy things about the world, the wide and the web that i don’t get. The mystery: Why did jljj have a pretty large surge of visits over this last weekend? Could it be that dykes that only write about goldfish, raccoons, seal dogs, Cher and their girlfriend suddenly became en vogue? Turns out, is not the case. Still, most of the folks that stop by here know that I don’t usually post on Friday and, to date, have never posted on the weekends. This means that the amount of folks that visit the blog-home of jljj dwindles remarkably on Saturdays and Sundays. This weekend, was not the case.

Somehow my blog has been attached to a photo of Jennifer Beals from the post Yes, that word.

If you Google “Jennifer Beals” and then click on the second auto-generated image of her (in that dangerously smokin’ hot purple dress) you somehow end up in my archive for April. And when even Sinclair couldn’t tell me why this was so I knew it was noteworthy.

How? Dunno. Why? Dunno. Who? A lot of people. Advice: If you are going to start a blog name it after a sexy famous person.

The first post that shows up in the archive is cap’n who n da’ crew - and now I have my fingers crossed that, in the millisecond that all of these Beal photo hunters are spending on my blog, that someone leaves a comment or sends an email proclaiming (honestly) that either they 1.know who these boys are. Or 2. (best case scenario) They are one of them!

(Here’s where I incorporate Cher into the mix… it is Thursday after all) That would be one of those things about life that would make my head explode a little bit. Like that time I met a girl who told me she had once served Cher a scoop of ice cream at a Ben and Jerry’s and Cher thought the scoop was too small and then asked if she could come back there and show her how it’s done. Cher then proceeded to scoop ice cream for several customers. Gawd, I love that story. That must have been such a great day for so many people! Anyway, the world, the wide, and the web are all capable of who knows what – so, who knows. Maybe, just maybe, Jennifer Beals will solve the mystery of cap’n who n’ da crew. I will certainly keep you posted.

Cher wants YOU to have a good Friday-eve. Happy her day!

stub your toe on me

“I’m not really looking. Men just fall in your lap, you stub your toe on them. It just happens.” (Cher)

Could this rumor be true? I would be happy for her, I guess. But, she didn’t even call to tell me, which makes me doubt. In fact, she’s never even mentioned him before.

found at: SFGate.com (because SanFran knows this kind of stuff)

Cher Rep Laughs Off Rumors of Secret Vegas Wedding

Cher’s spokeswoman has blasted reports the pop star is planning to marry a younger man in a secret Las Vegas ceremony, calling the wedding rumors “crazy.”

The National Enquirer claimed on Wednesday that the 62-year-old singer will wed 38-year-old Tim Medvetz.

The report alleged Medvetz — who makes his living customizing expensive motorcycles — has sign a prenuptial agreement to protect Cher’s reported $600 million fortune.

But Cher’s representative Liz Rosenberg has dismissed the reports, insisting: “She’s not even in Vegas right now. She won’t be back in Vegas until August,” adding that the star is on hiatus from the show she’s headlining in the city.

Laughing off the rumors, Rosenberg added: “Cher promised me if she ever got married again, I could be the flower girl.”

Cher has been married twice — first in 1964 to Sonny Bono, and again in 1975 to The Allman Brothers’ Gregg Allman.

In recent interviews she has described her desire to walk down the aisle once again, saying, “The right man adds something to your life. I’m looking for someone who can make me laugh, who I think is cute and who wants to go do stupid things still.”

— — — — — —

jljj UPDATE:

I was correct in my prediction that Violet would be totally grossed out by the last paragraph of my last post. And so, for the record, today I am wearing freshly laundered underwear… right side out to boot.