tour of fabulous: final credits

(In order to preserve and maintain the high level of faggy queerness that I have very intentionally injected into this series, please click on the video below and count to fifteen before reading the final credits – it is just so gay and perfect that way, trust me.)

.          .          .           .           .

…And like every adventure that ever was, eventually there is – The End -

.          .          .          .          .

Tour of Fabulous: Final Credits (in order of appearance):

Part 1:

The oh so amazing and lovely, long time leading lady: Violet

My four legged shadow: the Seal

The reason I didn’t miss my flight: The SeaTac TSA lady that kind of hated me

Red backpack: As itself

Best hair product in the world: Not telling

Part 2:

Sexy smooth dude/ Ol’ school best buddy: Sinclair Sexsmith

Sweet girl that put up with Sin and me all week: Kristen

Partner in many a late night crimes, one of my very favorites, Park Slope pool survivor: Mikey

Crowd of fabulous on Friday night: Everyone that did not try to beat me up

Pool shark: Barb

Pool shark’s drunk friend: Suz

Part 3:

Very cool dude who threw an awesome party: JessHeIs

Lady who hypnotized me with her eyes and then fed me breakfast: Tina-cous

Snazziest dressed (by a long shot) at Jess’ party: Dr. Leo MacCool

Wonderful, sweet new friend willing to talk with me all night long: Freedomgirl

Doppelganger-Shane from the L-word: the DJ at Jess’ party

Part 4:

Lovely girl behind those green eyes: greg

greg’s dress: As itself

New long distance bff: greg’s girlfriend

.          .          .          .          .

TOF Director: Sinclair Sexsmith

TOF Producer: jesse james

TOF Executive Producer: the Seal

TOF Editor: Fraidy Phat the Fish

TOF Fact Verifier: Marcus the Raccoon

“Tour of Fabulous” Title Credit and Most Missed Blogger: Lady Brett

Onset Chef and Makeup Artist: Kristen

Windsor Tie Knot Maker and Hair Validator to jesse james: Sinclair Sexsmith

Cherday Sponsor: Thursday

(endless) Support Crew: Violet

Best Boy Grip: That’s what she said

*A special thanks to Sinclair Sexsmith, one of my very favorite people on earth, for putting me up and putting up with me for a week. You are a host with the most and one of my favorite ways to spend my time. And to all of you along this amazing vacation adventure, thank you for being so kind and wonderful and welcoming. I am very lucky to have met you and to have you all in my world. And thank you all for getting through all four parts with no one screaming “LIAR! I can’t believe you just said that about me!”

I very much look forward to TOF: The Sequel.

with love, of course,

jesse james

like i would skip cherday

Look, it’s my blog, folks. I got all excited about the New York stories and wanted to post one of them right away (the rest will show up in the next week.) Yes, this whole New York adventure got in the way of Cherday, I get that, but such is life. And again, let us not forget, this is my blog.

So, being the king of this domain (and this domain only), I have moved Cherday this week. Can she do that, you are asking? Dude. Of course I can. How many times do I have to say it. This is my damn blog.

So anyway, this particular Cher song has been on my mind since last week. And this is my first ever dedication:

To my “why do they call me gay” googler- I am still thinking about you, buddy… a lot.  And by ‘buddy’ I mean every single one of you out there.

This is actually one of my favorite Cher songs and I have been waiting for a special reason to post it. (Please also notice the NY theme in the video. Yes, I am that gay and coordinated, folks… tying it all together like that, yo.)

Happy Cherday, everyone! Happy Friday!

Have a fabulous weekend.

referendum 71 and sex with ducks

I’m not sure how possible it is to keep track of all of the Homo-got-some-rights-aaaand-now-homo-lost-his-rights bills and referendums that are being passed and proposed in this country anymore, but in my fine state of Washington we recently passed a semi-homo-loving bill that was dubbed the ‘Everything But Marriage’ bill which grants domestic partners all of the same Washington state laws and rights that our one-man/one-woman-I-liked-it-so-I-put-a-ring-on-it friends enjoy. Minus getting to use that oh so sacred M word, this bill is progress.

And, just like the story goes everywhere in this country, where something happens to make the world a better place there are always mean, ugly, grouchy, party pooper haters out there, lurking in the background, all ready to try and keep the world as segregated, discriminating, and unjust as possible… or in their words, ‘moral’.

So, after the Everything But Marriage bill passed here a queer-hating referendum to reverse the bill was proposed and received all of the signatures necessary to make it to the ballot. This means we the people of Washington state now get to vote on Referendum 71, specifically designed in attempt to reverse letting all consenting adults in a relationship have the ability to legal protections and to legally care for each other no matter if non or both tend to leave the toilet seat up.

Their angle: Preserve Marriage, Protect Children.

…What the eph are you ephing… eh hem, well, I would ask them to kindly explain this logic but they recently bailed on the town hall debate that they had agreed to. Convenient. Maybe they are too busy protecting their children or preserving their marriages? Don’t I mean marriage, you ask? NO. Marriages.

A few important side notes about the dickwads that created this bullshit (am I still sounding neutral?): One of them has been divorced several times, to which I have no personal opinion on – just seems that we must have different ideas of the word “preserve.” If by “preserve” you mean like the jelly kind that you put on toast and once it is opened it will eventually expire and then you have to throw it out and go buy more jelly, ok… I just thought you meant… you know what, never mind. Oh, and the other asshole doesn’t even live in Washington.

So, on a much lighter and way more entertaining note, here is fabulously relevant and funny and cute song with two cute girls with cute voices singing about the absurdity of some arguments to keep this country ‘moral’. Specifically about when Pat Robertson said that if we legalized gay marriage we might as well legalize child molestation and bestiality. Strong case there, Patty! And if you are a bit pissed off like I accidentally made myself writing this post, this video will help bring you back down. It’s funny and cute, and its a song about sex with ducks… did I mention that?

Well, it’s Thursday. Happy Friday-eve, folks! Happy Cherday everyone!

we interrupt your regularly scheduled cherness

… Well, not totally. I mean, Cher is still involved.  Of course. It IS Thursday after all.

I have spent way more time than I will admit trying to find a decent cover of Just Like Jesse James. It is just one of those songs that is nearly impossible to sing without sounding, well, pretty terrible. It just doesn’t get covered well. The song is exhausting really (yes, I know this from personal experience, come on folks), it has a huge range and you’re up against CHER for gawdsake. Not easy. And with no hard feelings to the many, many, maaaany attempts on youtube most of them really start to hurt after a while if not pretty immediately.

So just as I was about to give up I ran into the unsuspecting small-town-Lori Brown (I made that up for her).  And folks, it’s not that she sings the song well, she ephing ROCKS IT out of the park! Home. Run. I’m telling you, The Goddess of all thing Sparkly and Fabulous would be so proud! I sure am.

*If you are one of those extremely impatient and attention deprived folks like myself AT LEAST watch from 2:08 to 2:17 AND 3:22 to 3:33! In the borrowed words of Leo MacCool “OH EM GEE!” This Lori Brown woman is ON FIRE.

Speaking of fire, the first time I watched the part in between 2:08 to 2:17 I stood up, point at the screen and yelled, “THAT’S RIGHT LORI BROWN! AIM AND FIRE, BABY! AIM! AND! FIIIIIRE!” (too much information?)

Happy Friday-eve folks! Happy Cherday… eh hem, I mean, Lori Brown day!

(If there are any haters out there that seriously think someone (besides Cher of course) can sing this song better I challenge you to send me the video…)

somebody’s gotta pay for the fog and the dancing fairies

The one topic about Cher that I will NOT engage in is the very popular discussion as to whether or not the goddess of all things sparkly and fabulous has or has not had her incredibly sexy diva bod nipped and or tucked. 1. Who cares? 2. Like the diva says, that I will adamantly defend, “If I want to put my tits on my back it’s nobody’s business but my own!” You tell em’ Cher! She is really quite profound, don’t you agree?

Well folks, regardless of it all… your opinions, thoughts, assumptions, whether or not your socks match and are right side out or not. Regardless of how well you slept last night, if your zipper has been down all day (some of you just checked!), whether Cher did have a nose job… or not. Regardless of your height, how much you got in the bank, your hair color, how good or bad your breath is, or if just yesterday you spilled an entire espresso drink all over your favorite fabulous shirt that is now most likely ruined because you didn’t soak it in cold water over night like I told you to. Regardless of it all folks, whether you fight it or just let it be, it is Thursday. It is Cherday. And there ain’t no stoppin’ it!

This lovely video montage is a minute and a half of quotable profoundness fabulousness from TGOATSAF (i.e.the goddess of all things sparkly and fabulous… think that acronym will catch on?)

Happy Cherday, everyone, happy Friday-eve!

cher so gets it

Yes, this article is now technically old news but the controversy is not. I promise to chill out on this elephant stuff (not saying that the Seal won’t be dressed up as one soon. She is already practicing her elephant ROOOOAR which is quite good really.)

But come on, it is Cherday on the week of Elephant Appreciation Day and these are two of my favorite things AND this is my blog, so there we have it. And if there was a way to incorporate The Golden Girls you know I would.

So, anyway Cher, thank you for being a friend… of elephants.

Happy Cherday everyone! Happy Friday-eve.

lesbianest cher cover ever

There is really nothing left to say. The title says it all. Happy Thursday, Happy Cherday!!! (if you are that guy, skip to second 31 to get to exactly what I am talking about.)

catching up with (cyber) you

I have so much I could write about that it has actually kept me from writing anything at all. Well, that and I have the flu.

• Can you imagine how much Cher Thursday I have to catch up on?!? Cher in a musical with Christina (thanks greg.. and what!what!squared!) Chastity now Chaz! This is some big news and all of it quite exciting.

• I saw Marcus for the first time in 8 months a few nights ago. He is easy to pick out being tailless, and he is bigger and fluffier than ever. It made my heart swell to see him so healthy and as happy as a raccoon can present himself. He strut (is ’strut’ the past tense for ’strut’? Strutted? Strought? This fever is getting me) through our back yard at dusk like a man on a mission, huffing like a big ol’ tough guy. It was great to see. He even stopped to pee on his (and now the Seal’s) favorite tree to pee on.

• Fraidy has 5 new fish friends that Violet paid way too much for at a charity auction. I will get some photos up soon and see if you all have any name suggestions. So far there is Goldy and Lox but three no names and I could use some help with that.

• Zoe’s mom passed away about a week ago and I have no idea what to say about that yet, if ever. Not sure I will say anything but that it has been hard. Really hard. For a lot of people.

• I was in MiddleofNowhere California last week and after a few drinks at a motel bar I ended up on stage singing happy birhday to a woman that I had known for all of 5 hours. Her speaking voice sounded just like Dolly Parton and I just couldn’t get enough of her. (Yes, I kicked in a little of my best Cher towards the end). That was a good time… until the next day.

• It is pride weekend and Violet has never been to one before. She asked me what I was going to dress up as and I replied, “Um, me.” She then asked how to register to be a dyke on a bike. I explained that the bike in this situation is not actually the kind of bike she has but that motorcycle doesn’t rhyme with dyke, hence the slogan’s usage of the word ‘bike’. She was fairly disappointed but went right back to the ‘well then, what costumes should we wear?’ conversation. Um, seriously. No.

• Last night I met a woman that is a veterinarian… for elephants. ELEPHANTS. Ummmm yes, what you just read is correct. I am totally infatuated with this woman’s career at present and am scheming up ways to try and make her think I am half as cool as she so that maybe we can hang out again. My  two very favorite animals on earth ever (besides the Seal) are elephants and octopi. I could go on and on… and on about this, like I did last night with the rad elephant vet lady, but I wont here. Right now at least.

• At present, like I mentioned, I have the flu (ah! that is why this post is so flat and without personality, you say? Yes. That is why.) and I am hoping to find enough energy to participate in the gay weekend with mild flare at least, sans costume. I will let you know.

The catch-up-with-my-blog-list goes on and on, but as this flu has zapped my ability to sound even remotely interesting, I will leave it like this for now.

Happy gay Friday.

cher on ellen. not kidding.

I know you know that I love Cher… squared. And what I love about her is an endless list of fabulousness, which I assume you would also be catching onto at this point. So, last week she was on Ellen and she was… FABULOUS.

One of the infinite reasons that I love her so much is that she is a mega-super-star-goddess-diva and she is just so real and frank and Cher about it all, all of the time.

I’m fairly convinced that the way she presents herself on talk shows and interviews is probably much the same as what you’d get as a close friend of hers over coffee. She’s not full of herself and never tries to fool you about who she is. She doesn’t do that I’m-rich-and -famous-so-I’m-deeply-profound-and-wise thing that you see so much of. She’s just Cher, which is obviously more than enough. Watch. Learn. Love. Enjoy.

Happy Friday-eve. Happy Cherday!

cherducate youself

At this point, those of you that have followed along with Cherthursday are becoming more than Cherducated in the department of all things fabulous and sparkly. That is why I feel comfortable hitting you hard and fast with a plethora of interesting and informative Cherfacts… that I will soon, at an undisclosed date and time, test you on. We are talking Grammy’s, Oscars, Golden Globe’s and Emmy’s here folks! This is serious stuff. This is Cher. Enjoy.

Oh, and happy Friday-eve. Happy Cherday!

• Mother, with Gregg Allman, of Elijah Blue Allman.
• Diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of 30.
• Had started dating producer David Geffen after she and estranged husband Sonny Bono split up.
• Was living with rock musician Gene Simmons of Kiss for several years.
• Her sister, Georganne LaPiere, was the first wife of Michael Madsen.
• Offered the part of Thelma in Thelma & Louise (1991).
• Half-sister-in-law of Michael Madsen.
• Half-sister of Georganne LaPiere.
• Her father was Armenian, her mother was part Cherokee.
• Legally changed her name from “Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPierre Bono Allman” to simply “Cher.”
• Beat out Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” for the best selling single of 1998 with “Believe.”
• Wanted to play Morticia in the The Addams Family (1991), but the part went to Anjelica Huston.
• Her favourite makeup artist, Kevyn Aucoin, died in 2002 of a brain tumor.
• Has mostly been living in London, UK over the last few years.
• Holds the record for a female artist who has the longest span from entering the top 100 (“I Got You Babe” #1 1965, “Song For The Lonely” #85 2002).
• Holds the record for the the longest gap between #1 hits (“Dark Lady” 1974, “Believe” 1999).
• Holds the record for oldest female artist with a #1 hit (“Believe”).
• Son, Elijah Allman, fronts the band Deadsy.
• Half-sister-in-law of actress Virginia Madsen.
• Is tying with Mako as the Oscar-nominated actor throughout history with the shortest name. Technically wins, as her name is only one syllable and is her actual legal name.
• Suffers from fear of flying.
• Wears size 8 shoes.
• Cher’s very first recording was novelty record “I Love You Ringo,” under the name of Bonnie Jo Mason in 1963.
• Her parents married and divorced 3 times.
• Measurements: 32B-24-36 (in 1990), 34C-24-35 1/2 (after breast lift surgery), 35 1/2 -25 1/2-36 (late 1990s), (Source: Celebrity Sleuth magazine).
• She won an Grammy in 1999 for the song “Believe” and an Emmy in 2003 for a special on her farewell concert tour.
• Spoke the eulogy at ex-husband Sonny Bono’s funeral.
• Ranked #43 on VH1’s “100 Greatest Women of Rock N Roll.”
• Wore braces as an adult.
• Her 1998 hit single “Believe” was ranked #60 on VH1’s 100 Greatest Dance Songs.
• A 2002 Rolling Stone article estimated her wealth at over 600 million dollars. Since then she has embarked on a hugely successful farewell tour that is still going and released a greatest hits CD that has spent weeks in the the Billboard Top 10.
• Is a big Katharine Hepburn fan.
• Although her music video “If I Could Turn Back Time” is often cited as the first video to be banned by MTV, this is not true. The Rolling Stones (“Neighbors”), The Ramones (“Psychotherapy”) and Laura Branigan all had videos banned several years beforehand.
• Mother, with Sonny Bono, of Chastity Bono.
• Named after Lana Turner’s daughter Cheryl Crane.
• Is the only certified female performer in music history to have had a U.S #1 single in the 1960s 1970s 1980s and 1990s.
• She and Barbra Streisand are the only two female performers in the U.S. to have had a #1 hit and won an Oscar.
• Has appeared solo on the cover of People magazine a near record 13 times.
• In addition to her Oscar and Emmy wins, Cher won a 2000 Grammy for the song “Believe” as Best Dance Recording.
• US-born Cher is the most famous Hollywood personality of Armenian ethniciy, the USSR-born genius Sergei Parajanov is the most famous non-Hollywood Armenian cinema personality.
• In a recent poll, A&E’s Biography Magazine ranked her as people’s Number 3 favorite actress of all time behind her two Hollywood idols, Katharine Hepburn and Audrey Hepburn.
• She was the subject of an episode of “The X Files” (1993) called “The Post-Modern Prometheus” (5X06; first aired November 3, 1997). This episode concerned a deformed man who adored Cher because of her role in Mask (1985), in which her character cared for her deformed son. Several Cher songs appeared on the soundtrack of this episode, including “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves” and “The Sun Ain’t Gonna Shine Anymore”. At the end of the episode, Mulder and Scully take the Cher fan to a Cher concert, where they hear her sing her cover of “Walkin’ in Memphis”. Cher, an “X-Files” fan, was asked to play herself in this scene but declined the producers’ offer. However, she revealed on The X-Files Movie Special (1998) (TV) that once the episode aired, she regretted not having appeared in it.
• Was called to be offered the role in The Witches of Eastwick (1987) on the morning of her 40th birthday.
• Her Oscar-winning part in Moonstruck (1987) was originally offered to Sally Field, who turned it down

(All of the fabulous information above was found at: http://www.netglimse.com/celebs/pages/cher/index.shtml)