Violet is out of town visiting family and doing business stuff on the east coast for the week. This means I’m home alone for 9 days. This means I am partaking in all of the things that don’t fly when Violet is home. My favorites: leaving not just my boxers, but all of my clothes on the bathroom floor. On the fourth day alone the pile grew tall enough that I now have to hop over the mound to get to the toilet, which makes me smile every time.

Dinners have consisted of prepackaged and/or frozen goodness that require a maximum of 5 minutes to prepare. A few favorites: mac n’ cheese (obviously), frozen potato perogies (boil, fry, eat), and frosted mini wheats.

*just to note: I have had at least one salad a day. For some reason, I know this makes Violet less anxious about my eating mac n’ cheese right out of the pan, over the sink, a few dinners in a row.)

I have been staying up too late, for no good reason, watching old episodes of the Golden Girls, but this is nothing new.

Oh, and last night I learned something important. Something I feel obligated to share in hopes of potentially saving others.

Lesson of the week: Do not spend thousands of dollars over the internet while high.

Last night, I spent over a thousand dollars on the internet while I was high. This was not a good idea. I don’t regret the purchase; it’s just that I purchased my purchase wrong.

My 86 year old godmother, Ruth, and I are taking a trip together in Nova Scotia this summer. I’ve already booked the tour and so last night I spent some time looking for plane tickets. All of a sudden this great deal appeared on my screen and I realized I better just buy them right that very second! I got out my credit card and started entering the needed information.

I entered in all of my info with ease because it is my name and address and so I know it well, even when I’m a little stoned.

Next, I entered Ruth’s name and address, again, with ease because even when a little stoned, I have known her for 31 years, and so, I know her name and address as well as I know my own. 

I entered in all of my credit card info and clicked ‘accept’.

A second later a confirmation email was sent to my inbox for my review.

I reviewed.

Looked fine… except, wait…  I jerked forward, squinted at the screen and looked it over very, very closely.

Passenger 1: (first name) jesse (last name) james

Passenger 2: (first name) Ruth (last name) Hanson

Wait a second. Uh oh. Hanson? That’s not her name! Ah! Did I seriously put her maiden name instead of the only last name she’s ever had since 1943? Yes. Yes I did.

To keep the boring part of weaving my way through the customer’s-have-no-rights-bureaucracy of airline companies and entities like CheapTicket (who has the shittiest policies and customer service ever!) as painless for the reader as possible, all I’ll say is that 3 hours, 8 phone calls, 11 robot operators, and 9 painful hold-music songs later, a real human at Continental calmly listened to my panicked ramble and changed Ruth’s last name from Hanson, which it is not, to Mori, which will now match her passport.

  • 2 tickets to Halifax: $1300
  • 1 typo on Cheaptickets: $9 and 3 hours on the phone
  • Recognizing, through the haze of my stoned, one man, nine day bachelor party, that I would much rather pick up my dirty clothes off the bathroom floor, spend three hours cooking real food, and get nagged to stop watching the Golden Girls and come to bed at a reasonable hour any time over all of this glorious freedom: Priceless.