My internet is STILL down. And by my internet, i mean the internet I use to steal from the neighbors. It has turned to a secured connection which means I am netless. After two weeks this has finally forced me out of the house and over to the coffee shop down the street. I much prefer doing computer stuff at the house alone with the Seal but what am I going to do? I need the net and this has forced me into a public space.

Speaking of the public and to my surprise and delight, I have been surrounded by some very strange folks today. This coffee shop is just one block from my house and my neighborhood is pretty cookie-cutter-seattle-normal. Everyone around here has one or more or all of the following:

A Subaru or a Prius. A dog (that is NOT a purebred and who was rescued from some pound). A child under 4 named Stella, Eli, Henry, or Jack, who is carted around in an earth toned REI stroller. An upcoming block watch meeting. A job at the university or a progressive organic coffee shop. Hooded sweatshirts that say things like “Go Green” or “Yes We Did”. Secured internet connections.

I have been here all day and no one in here seems to have any of the just mentioned qualifiers. I have spent some of my day looking for work and unfortunately, there are still no jobs for completely unqualified rad dudes who really want to work with elephants in or around the Seattle area. I will keep looking though. I have spent most of my day observing the foreigners that have been my company in this coffee house/ organic cafe/bookstore.

Weirdo observations for the day:

1. He just left, but there was a kid, (maybe in his teens? Maybe early 20’s?) slowly circling the same two book shelves for the last three hours. Three. Hours. He never even picked up a book. Weird. Or stoned, maybe? Or maybe he works here? Maybe he is suppose to be the undercover guy that catches shoplifters? In some respect he has a brilliant cover going. The skull and crossbones baseball hat makes him totally unsuspecting. But he also never looks away from the shelves which would mean he totally sucked at his job.

2. There is a man two tables over with a fairly poofy sweater tucked into his jeans. This doesn’t make him a weirdo per say, but it does make me feel totally crazy. I want nothing more than for him to look down at his waste, think, “Oh look here, I’ve accidentally tucked my huge sweater into my jeans” and simply untuck to both of our comfort and relief. This is my thing, I get that, but things like tags sticking out of the shirt or socks inside out just bother me and I want them to be fixed. He has been here a while and I don’t see an untuck happening.

3. It is a tad cold here today, cold enough to wear a locally made organic cotton sweatshirt even (and before anyone gives me shit for making fun, I am wearing one, ok.) So, in walks a man with a thick blue fleece and bright red Hawaiian print short shorts. Very short shorts. And hiking boots with wool socks. Both socks are right side out. He also has nice legs. Maybe he is a UPS delivery guy and pants just don’t feel right anymore?

4. An hour ago there was a man two tables down that had 5 books propped up on little book stands in a half circle. One was a bible of course. One was called Sisters and Mothers… I think – it was hard to see from this far away. I got up twice under false pretense to try and learn more but he followed me with his eyes and glared at me whenever I walked by. Even when I was just sitting here I kept catching him staring at me. Eventually I realized this was probably because I was staring at him. A lot. As he left he individually wrapped each book in plastic bags, stacked them according to size and carefully placed them into a back pack.

5. I just told Violet about the guy with the tucked sweater and she said, “So?” and about the guy with the short short Hawaiian shorts and her response was “That is lovely.” She is not here but she just made the list.

6. Me. I have spent more time wondering about and watching some kid circle the same two bookcases, trying to figure out what the guy with the books on the stands in a half circle was reading, making sure that the guy in the short short Hawaiian shorts has his wool socks on correctly and attempting to send telepathic vibes to the sweater man “Untuck untuck untuck” than I have done anything else today.

Clearly I need to get internet… or a job.