It was a toss up this morning, whether to try my damnedest to finally write a post for my blog or update my resume. Somehow the space between December and now, here, feels like miles. And for the many times in my every single day I feel this aching pull to get back to this space I get stuck on, “but where do I start now?” I don’t know where to start, or where I left off really.
My life, since starting this new job, has shifted and changed so drastically and so suddenly. Mostly this is a good thing but in other ways I’ve been so consumed by all of the new that I have put aside and flat out dropped pieces of myself, like this blog, that are so, so very important to me. So, here I am, trying to get back.
Hi there, friends and passersbys. How have you been?
How about I start with the recent good in my life, the stuff that is keeping me above water as I continue to struggle a bit, to find a balance and other things:
Last week I turned 34 and for this Violet, the Seal and I went on at weeklong vacation in the middle of gorgeous Nowhere Washington where the three of us did a whole lot of skiing, eating, napping, kissing, laughing and nothing at all, all the live long days. We were surrounded by huge mountains and trees and deer, unfamiliar faces, good food, tucked in a beautiful warm cabin with no responsibilities as far as all of my mind’s attempt to circle back to worrying about something could find. It was amazing. I needed it. Badly. It was a simple get away and both Violet and I are toting it as potentially the best vacation we’ve ever had together… so far, of course.
When we re-entered reality I immediately crashed, emotionally, again. I keep doing this, which has me considering a few serious changes, one being my place of work. (The job is ideal, nearly perfect, the place in which I do this is not, but this, hopefully, will be a different post, post a resolve of sorts.) So, I skimmed the surface of responsibilities and made it through my short work week. The light at the end of this week being an evening out with my bestie in the whole wide world and universe, including all other yet-discovered worlds and universes, Rene, that Friday. She and I, as I have mentioned before, have known each other our entire lives. Well actually, I was born 12 days earlier than she, so I guess I had a week and some without her, but that, very truly, is all.
So, just this last Friday Rene picked me up so that we could celebrate our 34th anniversary out on the town together, just the two of us, which is not something we find much time for these days. And usually when we do find time together we make grand plans of going out, drinking fancy drinks and then going dancing till the wee hours. And what we end up doing is choosing to order Thai food around 5 pm., eat it right out of the containers at her place, in sweatpants (that we like to call “our eatin’ pants”) as we watch the trashiest tv we can find while talking about anything and everything, like we do. And this sort of evening is usually all said and done, with us soundly sleeping by 10p.m… 11 p.m. at the latest.
But for our 34th anniversary, for this one, Rene was pretty insistent that she wanted to go out! Wear real clothes and go out in public, together. So, that’s what we did.
We had a lovely evening, which is obvious enough. We ate, drank, and talked about everything. We wrapped things up early, like we always do, and headed back to my place around 8:30.
On the way home Rene said, “It’s pretty early, even by our standards. How about I come in for a drink and just hang out for a bit.” I thought that sounded great. I warned her that Violet was out with friends and so I was certain she turned the heat down to below freezing and that it might be chilly in there at first. Normally Rene would admit to minding this, but she just said, “Oh well, it will warm up. That’s fine.” I guess if there was anywhere to get suspicious, that was it. But I just said, “Ok then.”
We pulled up to my house, I unlocked the door and said hello to the Seal as she ran towards me like a wiggly flood of happiness, like she always does. But then…
As I looked up I saw streamers hanging from the ceiling and then… then as my eyes began to drift to the left I saw a friend of mine, Mark, standing on my stairwell, in the dark. And as my mind began to lose grip on what was real and what was not I saw another friend of mine, standing right next to Mark, standing next to another friend of mine, standing next to another friend of mine… on my stairwell. And just as soon as my brain let my eyes realize that my stairwell was covered in friends they all yelled, “Surprise!”
Violet, who, before meeting me, used to be an honest girl who couldn’t even exaggerate without blushing, had totally duped me and collaborated with Rene and everyone else that I love and adore so much and threw me a surprise party. And let me tell you, I was so, so very surprised. After they all yelled “surprise” I started to feel this feeling, along with a mad rush of adrenaline and an overwhelming jolt of immense love for every single smiling face I also felt like my legs were going to give out on me. I don’t think I was going to faint, but I certainly couldn’t stand so I just sort of fell back onto the couch and sat there staring at the stairwell full of all of my favorites. Speechless. And if you’ve ever read any of this blog or know me at all, you know that speechless is not a common condition.
Eventually, I pulled myself mostly back together and had an incredibly fabulous evening with an amazing collection of wonderful, favorite people. Two of my newest wonderful-favorites being Jen and Sara (from we are (having) so much fun.)
Looking around my living room that night was like a head count of reasons and reminders why I am very certainly, one of the luckiest.
So, there we have it. This little snippet of the best of my world lately is my attempt to reopen the door back into my own blog and all of the other places that keep me upright in the day and warm at night. More to come… and thanks for hanging on and coming back.
17 comments
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February 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Femme Gender
Oh JJ, how nice it is to see you! And what a great evening that sounds like. Many happy (belated) returns. Come back here soon, eh? fimg x
February 20, 2011 at 1:51 pm
makingspace1
Hiya! I’m new here, what a great vacay and what an awesome birthday surprise!!!
February 21, 2011 at 2:40 pm
jesse james
Thanks for stopping by!
February 20, 2011 at 8:01 pm
ladybrettashley
Surprise!!! Happy birthday!
also, the skiing and outdoors look beautiful, lovely, and wonderful. looking forward to hearing more from you – i hope things pan out on the job/not-crash-inducing front.
the seal also looks mighty fine in her hat.
February 21, 2011 at 2:36 pm
jesse james
Thank you kindly, Lady Brett.
February 20, 2011 at 10:05 pm
Kaitlin
Aw! All of your birthday festivities sound like a wonderful time. Surprise parties are my favorite – I’m still (not so) patiently waiting for the day that I get one 😉
Happy belated day to you!
February 20, 2011 at 10:12 pm
Holden
Welcome back! I always enjoy reading your stories and this is a lovely one. Happy belated birthday.
February 23, 2011 at 4:52 pm
jesse james
Holden! You got held up in spam! I just found this comment. Sorry! And thank you, buddy.
February 21, 2011 at 5:49 am
greg
A new post! Yippeeeee!
Happy 34th to you! It’s so hard to pull off a surprise party, I love that it worked out for you.
February 21, 2011 at 2:32 pm
jesse james
Yes, it is. I am still in awe and with a new grand suspicion of Violet’s ability to have me so utterly in the dark. It was amazing really. And it turns out, that if you catch me completely off guard I act like a total speechless, eventually stuttering moron. Who knew?
February 21, 2011 at 2:38 pm
SNT
Don’t drown, keep writing! It’s better that way for all of us 🙂
Happy 34 to you!
February 21, 2011 at 8:04 pm
ash-a-frash
jesse!!! happy happy 34th birthday and YAY for a new post! i’ve certainly missed your updates, but i feel you on the feeling overwhelmed thing. i’ve started a new something too, and it’s taking alot of energy to stick it out. but you’re a real trooper, and i have confidence in you. i know i speak for myself, and possibly for your other readers as well when i say we’re all rooting for you. if you keep your chin up and shrug off the meaningless noise you’ll do great. i’m sending good thoughts and a spot o’ warm california sunshine your way!
February 22, 2011 at 10:57 am
e
What a lovely couple of girls you have in your life, jj. But, you already know that.
Selfishly, I hope that you have time for more blogging. It makes my day better to see jesse james in my reader!
February 27, 2011 at 7:38 pm
JMc
OMG! We got a shout out on your blog!!! I think that officially makes us 1/100th less square and 90% more gay… I will explain the math later. We were tickled to share the moment with you… Next time maybe I will venture forth from my corner of the kitchen. Maybe.
March 1, 2011 at 12:32 am
Amber
Hey, you’re back! Good to see you’re still around and about and that you had the kind of fabulous birthday that you deserve!
Happy Freakin Birthday!
March 14, 2011 at 8:27 pm
Kat
Woohoo! So excited to read your newest posts and see that you are back. Your writing always makes me smile or cry or both.
March 29, 2011 at 6:54 pm
Saintchick
Please forgive me that I missed your bday ! Happy belated bday Jesse, and are you a Pisces also ?!